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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28108362">Wherever you will go</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lisafyra/pseuds/lisafyra'>lisafyra</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Formula 1 RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Carlos leaving McLaren, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Party, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Roller Coaster, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Inspired by Love Actually, Love Actually References, M/M, Secret Crush, also no-covid-AU, so please don't be confused about gatherings and nobody wearing masks</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 22:22:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>20,480</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28108362</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lisafyra/pseuds/lisafyra</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>...in which Carlos doesn't fly to Italy the week after the Abu Dhabi GP, but there is a Christmas- and farewell-party at the MTC, making it one more night for Lando to hide his secret crush on his soon-to-be-ex-teammate. Will he be able to withstand? Or will he make a mistake that ends their friendship in the worst way? Or... will it maybe even take their bromance to another level?</p><p>(aka Lisa's little big Christmas-special! 🎄)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lando Norris/Carlos Sainz Jr</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>100</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Winterbreak Writing Challenge (2020)</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. "If I could..."</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ho, ho, ho and welcome to this Christmas-special-story of mine :)<br/>It will have 3 chapters for the 3 days of Christmas and, as you can see from the tags, this one is inspired by one of my favourite movies: "Love Actually".<br/>If you happen to love this film as much as I do, I highly recommend to listen to certain songs from the soundtrack, which I will add in the notes for each chapter - for the ultimate reading experience ;)</p><p>For this chapter, it is "Too Lost in You" by Sugababes!</p><p>But now, enough of preliminary talking - enjoy!<br/>And MERRY CHRISTMAS, in case you're really reading this on the 24th ♥</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><b>Saturday, December 19</b><b><sup>th</sup> </b> <b>, 2020 - McLaren Technology Centre, Woking</b></p><p>“…and so, on behalf of the whole team, I just really wanna say: Thank you, Carlos - for these two years, for all the good work, on- and off-track, for the many points, the two podiums and the general effort you put into it, every single day. You’ve contributed so well to the team, and it was a pleasure working with you. And I’m sure I’ll speak for everyone when I say: You will be missed.”</p><p>The bystanders bursted into applause as soon as Andreas finished his speech, as if to agree with him, and Lando instantly joined in, while watching with a proud smile on his face how Carlos and his now ex-team-boss shared a farewell-hug on the little stage.</p><p>Because that was what this evening was about: Carlos’ farewell. The last race for him with McLaren was over and so the traditional Christmas party at the MTC this time was also an occasion to say goodbye to the Spaniard, who would race in red next year.</p><p>And since goodbyes were never easy, it was a bittersweet event for everyone - but especially for Lando. None of the other employees around him had an idea of how much Carlos meant to him, not even Carlos himself. Of course, everybody knew that they were close, good friends, assumably, but it wasn’t just that.</p><p>The Spaniard meant more to Lando than one could ever imagine, more than he himself would have ever imagined. Over time, Carlos had become such an important person in his life that he didn't want to miss him anymore, not for even a second, as Lando was reminded once again, when he watched him on that stage, how he, visibly uncomfortable in the centre of everyone’s attention, shifted from one foot to the other, obviously overwhelmed with all the appreciation and not really knowing where to look.</p><p>He was even gorgeous when he was ashamed.</p><p>And coincidence or not, but Carlos’ gaze suddenly found Lando’s in the crowd of applauding McLaren employees and out of reflex, Lando gave him a quick sarcastic-thumbs-up, which caused the older one to smile - and Lando couldn’t help but smile back at the muppet who had, without doubt and in all means, become his best mate.</p><p>When he had made his first steps into F1, Lando would have never thought a relationship like this was even possible among teammates, not in a sport that was so competitive and pressurizing - but Carlos had proven him wrong.</p><p>From the moment they had first met each other, right here, at the MTC, in that far too huge conference room for two, they had somehow been at ease with each other; and what had started there quickly grew into a sincere friendship. Naturally almost, as if it had been meant to be.</p><p>At least that was what Lando believed. That it had been fate, meeting Carlos. A lucky strike of fate. It just had to be, there was no other explanation.</p><p>He still had no idea what he had done without him. In his rookie year, everything had been so overwhelmingly new and huge. F2 had been massive before, but driving in F1 was another level - the pressure, the media interest and fame that unavoidably went with it, alone, not even talking about driving the car in general.</p><p>He still struggled sometimes to cope with that sideshow-stuff, to be honest, but in the beginning it had caused him severe anxiety. Wether it was before getting into the car, wanting to put on a good performance on the track, or during fan signings or press conferences, with dozens of people looking at him - it had been a tough challenge, mentally.</p><p>Too tough, sometimes.</p><p>But Carlos had helped him so much with that; sometimes even unknowingly, just by being there, all calm and versed, or by the respectful way he approached him in general.</p><p>That was another thing Lando was thankful for in particular. Carlos had never looked down on him as “the rookie”, “the newbie” or anything, nor had he been arrogant over his further racing experience or played mind games with him - nor had he shown any other alpha-male-bullshit-behaviour, which sadly was so common in a sport like this.</p><p>Instead, Carlos had taken him under his wing and had kept an eye on him as if he was his little brother, making sure he was fine during the race weekends, so far away from home and their families. He had cheered Lando up whenever he had been frustrated or sad, had helped him focus when he had been anxious and stressed, and also, the older one had gladly shared all the tips and tricks he knew with him, in both matters on- and off-track.</p><p>Lando still didn’t know what he had done to deserve someone as kind and caring as Carlos in his life, but nonetheless, he was so thankful for having met him and for having been able to make his start in the masterclass of motorsport alongside the best teammate, the best <em>friend</em> he could have ever, ever imagined.</p><p>But of course, he had been aware that nothing lasts forever and especially not in the fast-moving world of F1 that they lived in. They both had been.</p><p>Nevertheless, it had still been quite a shock when Carlos had told him about his new contract with Ferrari - and despite all emphatic joy, Lando had needed some time to get over this news, finding himself weirdly torn between cold-shouldering his friend and clinging even more onto him for the next races, before they had been able to continue with business as usual.</p><p>Mostly because everything had seemed so far away - back then, they had had almost the whole season ahead of them; and so they had made the best of it, enjoying the remaining time together to its fullest, not wasting more thoughts than necessary on the approaching end.</p><p>But now, the time had come.</p><p>Last weekend in Abu Dhabi, Carlos’ official last racing weekend with the team, they had been asked about their “split up” in every interview, which had made the whole thing omnipresent and hard to ignore.</p><p>But never before had the farewell felt as final and inevitable as in this moment, when Lando watched Carlos on that stage, once more getting the applause and all those kind words which he deserved so much.</p><p>But this time, it would be for the last time, at least getting it from this team.</p><p>Even though his contract officially lasted until December 31<sup>st</sup>, tonight was the last “team-duty” they had to fulfill for 2020, before everyone would enter holiday-season and pause work until after the turn of the year, making tonight the last evening Carlos would spend with his old team.</p><p>After tonight, them being teammates would be fully a thing of the past, with no more joint press conferences and debriefs in the future, no team dinners, no shared hotel rooms and overnight-FIFA-sessions, no more hilarious PR appearances and making videos for social media together, having the best of fun meanwhile.</p><p>The bare thought of it made Lando’s heart clench with pain. He had become so fond of all these things over the past two years that he still couldn’t believe how nothing of this would happen again next season.</p><p>Like, of course they would still spend time together, as they had also promised to the media multiple times, but they both knew it would not be the same anymore. It simply couldn’t. Not driving for the same team indeed made a huge difference, no matter how often they tried to convince each other (and maybe themselves, too) of the opposite.</p><p>So tonight was the last night of life as they knew it, and that was the reason why Lando didn’t leave Carlos’ side anymore as soon as the official part was over and the Spaniard came off the stage.</p><p>He followed him around everywhere for the rest of the evening; wether it was to the buffet or when they were just strolling through the festively decorated foyer of the MTC and shared a few talks with other people, who wanted to wish Carlos well personally - Lando stuck by his side.</p><p>Luckily, the older one didn’t seem to mind (or at least he didn’t say anything), and Lando was extremely glad about that, because he needed Carlos’ near tonight, just for this one more time.</p><p>He literally caught himself a few times trying to soak it all in, his presence, the feeling of him standing next to him, the scent of his cologne, the sound of voice, his laugh, his accent, everything - so that he could feed on the memory for the next year… and the year after and after and so on.</p><p>Because, even though everyone only kept talking about 2021, this was not a temporary thing. It wasn’t as if Carlos would go on a student exchange year or a once-in-a-lifetime-world-travel or anything, only to return after a fixed period of time.</p><p>This was a one-way-ticket.</p><p>His time with McLaren was over, for now. Maybe he would drive for this team again someday, but that was written in the stars - as well as if Lando and him were ever gonna be teammates again or if these two years had been it, for all of their careers.</p><p>The imagination alone made Lando feel sick and he would have loved to just let it all out and cry, but he couldn’t - not in front of everybody else. And especially not in front of Carlos, on his special evening. He didn’t want to ruin it for his best friend, he would not be able to forgive himself that.</p><p>So, as tough as it was, he quickly swallowed the lump in his throat and then tried to keep up with the conversation again, which the older one and two employees from the PR department were involved in.</p><p>He <em>really</em> tried. He nodded from time to time, making “Ah”- and “Mhmm”-sounds every now and then as if he was honestly interested, and even forced himself to laugh in the right moments - but he couldn’t shake the hint of melancholy off anymore.</p><p>And even though the chat with the PR’s revolved around the same topics again as in the other talks before - the very successful season they had, Christmas and Carlos’ future with Ferrari -, Lando felt worn out from having to play it all good and joke about how Carlos better not be too fast next year, haha.<em> Funny.</em></p><p>So he was glad when it was over and he and Carlos moved on with their walk through the foyer - without a real destination, though, just strolling around among the others.</p><p>As it was the case on Christmas parties - even despite this was a Christmas-slash-farewell-party -, everybody was having a good time. The bittersweet undertone had gone, now that the official part with the speeches was over, and the festive spirit had taken over again - well, on everybody except Lando, as it seemed.</p><p>Having heard so much about Ferrari in the last hour, the thought that his best friend would leave had fully settled in his head and darkened his mood; and apparently not only on the inside, as Carlos touched him on the shoulder and took him aside as soon as they were on their own.</p><p>“Are you okay?”, the older one murmured to him, the deep, familiar voice so close to his ear that it sent a shiver done his spine. “You look a bit… dead.”</p><p>
  <em>Oh!</em>
</p><p>Out of reflex, Lando nodded and quickly said that he was fine - but when he looked up and met Carlos’ gaze, he could see that he had not been very convincing with that: The older one’s eyes where full of concern.</p><p>“Just… a little dehydrated, I think”, Lando therefore hurried to add, going with the first excuse that came to his mind. “I- I just need to drink something. Too much talking.”</p><p>As if to prove that, he cleared his throat exaggeratedly.</p><p>Carlos, though, just tilted his head in surprise. “But you barely said anything”, he went and eyed him suspiciously, almost scanning Lando as if he could find the real reason hidden in his body language - what put Lando under even more stress.</p><p>“Yeah, but… <em>still”,</em> he insisted, mentally facepalming himself in the same second for this <em>very convincing </em>reply. <em>Great job! </em>Now Carlos definitely knew something was wrong.</p><p>So, hastily, before he could ask any further, Lando changed the subject:</p><p>“Do you want anything, too?”, he asked and weirdly pointed over his shoulder with his thumb, about towards where the bar and the buffet were set - and very, <em>very</em> luckily, Carlos let him get away with it:</p><p>“Yeah, just, uhm… get me a Cola or something…”, he answered, apparently fine with dropping this topic, but his chocolate-eyes were still full of skepticism, causing Lando to shiver uncomfortably once more and making him almost flee from the situation.</p><p>“Cola. Okay. I got you. Be right back!”, he went, for whatever reason awkwardly shooting finger-guns at Carlos - for which he wanted to give himself another facepalm as soon as he had turned around. Finger-guns, really? <em>“I got you” ?! </em>Could it get anymore awkward?</p><p>Lando felt his cheeks heating up, as he made his way to the bar. <em>Dang it, </em>what was wrong with him?!</p><p>Well, of course he knew <em>what</em> it was, deep inside of him, but- what was wrong with him <em>to let it show</em> so much?!</p><p>He had known before that it wouldn’t be easy, but he had at the same time promised himself to not ruin this for Carlos, to not make it weird or about his own feelings - but as it seemed, he was on a good way to hit all three of these.</p><p>And this realization made him so angry and ashamed at the same time that, when he came across one of the waiters, who were also walking through the foyer with tablets to make sure everyone had something to drink, he quickly reached for a flute of champagne.</p><p>Actually, Lando only rarely drank alcohol, since partying and getting drunk wasn’t his cup of tea - but tonight, it was exactly what he needed.</p><p>Without thinking, he poured the champagne down all at once, hoping it would help him calm his nerves. But instead, it only caused his stomach to instantly revolt, making him belch, and Lando involuntarily pulled a face at the nasty taste in his mouth, when he was reminded again why he normally didn’t drink that stuff, not even on the podium. <em>Yucks! Disgusting!</em></p><p>All the faster he went over the last stretch to the bar, where the people gathered who wanted to drink something other than champagne - thank God that the nasty bubbly wasn’t the only thing served tonight!</p><p>Fortunately, it also didn’t took long until the bartender turned to him and he could order the promised Cola for Carlos, whereas for himself, he just went for still water - because he had a feeling that joining the Spaniard on Cola (or any other carbonated drink) wouldn’t be the best idea, with his stomach still rumbling in complain…</p><p>Because the drinks were on the company tonight, Lando didn’t have to pay anything and could just grab the two small glass bottles as the bartender handed them over, and leave again.</p><p><em>And now pull yourself together, Norris!,</em> he told himself off after a refreshing sip of water when he made his way back to Carlos, keeping his eyes fixed on the ice-cold bottles in his hands, careful not to spill anything and only looking up briefly every few steps, so as not to bump into anyone.</p><p>He had almost made it back through the foyer, when he lifted his gaze again to search for Carlos - only to see him talking to Zak and, according to their appearance, two other higher employees, who Lando didn’t know.</p><p>Involuntarily, Lando slowed down his steps, not sure if he should join up with them.</p><p>He always felt a little uncomfortable when important people where around, because he had a knack for saying stupid things (or embarrassing himself in various other ways), when he should better behave professional and serious. And also, it was obvious that Carlos was “the man of the moment”, literally, and Lando didn't want to disturb them - but before he could decide wether to back off and wait for them to finish or to be brave and approach them, Carlos turned his head and spotted him.</p><p>And as soon as he did, the Spaniard smiled broadly at him and reached out his arm to invite him in, causing Zak and the other two to turn their heads as well - and Lando had no other choice than to put on a smile and proceed walking towards the group, who had all seen him now.</p><p>
  <em>Thanks, Carlos!</em>
</p><p>But his anger at the older one didn’t last long, because in the second he joined them and politely said “good evening” to everyone, Carlos made up for it:</p><p><em>“Norrizzio!”,</em> he exclaimed happily about his return - a nickname the Spaniard had just come up with during the last weeks - and wrapped his arm around his shoulders, as if it was the most normal thing in the world. It kind of also was, since Carlos had always been a touchy and affective person, presumably based on his South European background, and it definitely wasn’t that Lando didn’t like it, on the contrary, actually - but it was what this act of friendship did to him. How it made him feel deep inside, what it did to his mind, being so close to his teammate; feeling his warm body right beside his own, being held close by his strong arm…</p><p>Quickly he muttered something like “Here you go…” and passed Carlos his requested drink, in the hope that they’d carry on with their conversation as if nothing had happened - and also that nobody would notice how much he enjoyed the half-hug of this as-yet-teammate.</p><p>But unfortunately not: Before Carlos could even thank him for the drink, Zak pointed at Lando’s own bottle.</p><p>“What’s that, you drinking water?”, he asked in his broad American accent, sounding amused. And when Lando nodded, together with an unsure “…yeah?”, his team boss just laughed.</p><p>“Dude, you’re 20 and a Christmas party, where all drinks are on the company - and you drink <em>water?”</em></p><p>The comment caused the others to grin as well, even Carlos, as Lando could tell by the way he exhaled, standing so close to him that he literally felt the change in the Spaniard’s breathing rhythm.</p><p>Under different circumstances, this surely would have made Lando feel uncomfortable and, if he hadn’t already, made him blush, probably mumbling some random excuse in selfdefense, even though he was aware that it was just Zak’s habit to joke about anything and everyone, but meaning no serious harm with it - but not tonight. The arm still around his shoulders gave him tremendous confidence.</p><p>So he just shrugged all casually and answered back: “I mean, they had run out of milk, so…”</p><p>This made the group burst out into laughter, and especially Zak. The McLaren Racing boss let out his unmistakable guffaw and patted Lando on the other shoulder with his big hand, so hard that it almost made him lose balance and stumble into to Carlos - who, by the way, still didn’t make a move to take his arm away…</p><p>“Good comeback!”, his boss praised him and when Lando smiled back, it was an honest smile, and for a brief moment, everything was fine again - it was amazing what a halfway-hug from Carlos’ could do and Lando tried to keep hold of that feeling for as long as possible, when the conversation was continued.</p><p>Again, it revolved around the amazing 2020 season, plans for the holidays and wishing Carlos all the best for his drive with Ferrari, and again it was not without the (no longer very unique) joke of “…but hopefully not too fast!”, regarding their battle on track next year.</p><p>Lando mentally rolled his eyes at that and thought that, if he and Carlos and him had made a drinking game out of that, they would be really drunk by now. The imagination caused him to chuckle lightly, but nobody noticed, because at the same time, it was the Spaniard who drew everyone’s attention to himself, when he asked if he maybe could go and see his car one last time.</p><p>“Oh, uhm…”, Zak stammered, obviously taken by surprise with this request, and Lando already saw the<em> “No”</em> coming for Carlos - which would have been understandable, as he was no longer allowed in the “sacred halls” of the MTC with his obligations towards Ferrari. That was also why he had already given back his access keycard before.</p><p>So it would have been very relatable, if Zak had denied him that wish - but Lando couldn’t let that happen, not on Carlos’ farewell party. He just <em>had to</em> step in.</p><p>“I can go with him!”, he suggested, a bit too euphorically maybe, and all heads in their group turned towards him.</p><p>“Like… to make sure he doesn’t spy or anything!”, he swiftly added, trying his best to sound convincing and trustworthy to win Zak over.</p><p>Zak’s facial expression, though, gave it all away. His boss didn’t seem to be sure if it was a good idea to let, of all people, <em>Lando</em> accompany the soon-to-be-ex-McLaren-driver to his old car. He probably already saw them up to any shenanigans before his inner eye, in case he let them go together, without a “real”, responsible adult to watch over them - but of course he couldn’t say that in front of the other associates.</p><p>So with a long sigh, he eventually gave in, much to Lando and Carlos’ delight, and they quickly thanked Zak for this exception - before their boss could regret his decision and change it back, because he looked like he would have loved to do just that.</p><p>“But keep out of mischief!”, he warned the both of them as if they were kids, to which they just nodded and assured “Yes, of course!” almost in synch like in the puppet-video, before they, without further ado, said their goodbyes and headed off to go and see the car.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>...that's it for today, part 2 will follow tomorrow - hope you enjoyed this bit so far ♥</p><p>What do you think: Will the two of them "keep out of mischief", like Zak told them? How will Carlos feel saying goodbye to his old car? And what will it do to Lando...?</p><p>Feel free to let me know your thoughts in the comments :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. "Then I would..."</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>As I promised: Day 2 of Christmas - chapter 2 ready!<br/>Hope you like it! But beware - it won't be all sunshine and butterflies (or rather “Christmas elves and fairy lights”, in this context)...</p><p>The Love-Actually-song for this one is the "Portuguese Love Theme" by Craig Armstrong (...seriously, this one is just ♥♥!!) - or more precisely, the calm piano at the beginning and the strings-build-up. I think everyone who's ever watched the film will recognize this piece immediately :')</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>All excited, they headed off to go and see the car - even if that meant that Carlos had to take his arm off Lando’s shoulders again, breaking the halfway-hug.</p><p>But the prospect of spending some time alone with the Spaniard, even if it was just for a few minutes, made it up for Lando - he had shared him enough for now; for the last three weeks, to be precise. Although they never were more constantly around each other elsewhere than during race-weekends, it was rarely that it was the two of them alone. Wether it was in the garage with the engineers, in their driver’s rooms with their physio’s, doing PR stuff or even getting filmed for Unboxed, as well as the worldwide-tv-broadcasting, of course - but there pretty much always were people around them, from the team.</p><p>So having Carlos all to himself now for a bit caused a big smile to appear on Lando’s face and he could barely so keep himself from leaping along with joy while they made their way in the direction of the “hall of fame”, as they called the room where all the former cars were.</p><p>However, when the first door fell shut behind them, muffling all the noise from the party so that it was only the sounds of their steps on the otherwise empty hallway now - the sudden silence was… well, not directly uncomfortable, but definitely unusual. Another hint at how little time they actually had exclusively to themselves during the race weekends.</p><p>“So… and you’re gonna go to Madrid, for Christmas?”, Lando curtly asked to break the ice again, which caused Carlos to chuckle, his laugh softly echoing in the hallway.</p><p>“Yeah, tomorrow. Like I’ve said about… fifty times today!”, the Spaniard replied, shaking his head in unbelief that Lando had not gotten that by now. “Did you listen at all to what I said?”</p><p>Lando felt himself blushing again, as his teammate had caught him so off-guard.</p><p>“Sorry”, he muttered with a guilty smile, but luckily, the Spaniard didn’t hold it against him - again, that simply was not Carlos’ nature.</p><p>“And you’re gonna go home, too?”, he just asked back, while they walked down the hallway - which was a reasonable question, because unlike Carlos, Lando hadn’t talked about his plans for the holidays at all yet. Not that they were any different or spectacular, though:</p><p>He nodded. “Mhmm, on Tuesday. To stay away from the traffic peak”, he explained. “Or at least that’s what I’m hoping for!”</p><p>Since with everybody literally <em>driving home for Christmas</em> in the next days, it was a plain matter of luck to catch the right timing when there weren’t too many on the road with you. Nonetheless, Lando was still positive that going on Tuesday would be a good choice, since it was right between the expected major rushes of this weekend and Christmas Eve itself and probably most people were still working then.</p><p>And besides that, the slightly longer stay at his own place had another advantage:</p><p>“Also, I get to use the remaining days for some streaming again!”</p><p>Carlos smirked audibly when he said that.</p><p>“Of course <em>that</em> is what you’ve missed the most!”, the older one joked, hinting at the triple header they had just completed. But, although these three weeks had indeed kept them busy with barely any free-time, and especially not for streaming, Lando didn’t quite agree with Carlos on that one.</p><p><em>I didn’t miss it as long as I was with you…,</em> it ran through his head, but luckily, he didn’t have to reply and pretend it wasn’t like this anymore, because it was in this moment that they came to the glass door separating them from the car hall of fame.</p><p>Without further words, Lando fished his keycard out of his pocket and held it against the sensor. It beeped and the little control light turned green, before the door then unlocked and let them pass.</p><p>And even though Lando automatically wanted to reach for the handle, Carlos was quicker and courteously held the door open for him.</p><p>“After you”, he said in his unmistakable accent, and the whole act released a rush of butterflies in Lando’s chest, fluttering wildly, making his heart jump. With a sheepish “Thank you”, he hurried to slip through to make room for Carlos himself, so that he could finally get to his car.</p><p>They could already see it from afar, even despite there was only the emergency light on in here - the papaya-livery shimmered proudly in the dimmed lighting, even prettier than in full illumination. So Lando and Carlos didn’t bother with the light switches, but walked towards the so familiar car straightaway.</p><p>It was the MCL-34, though, because this season’s car hadn’t yet arrived at Woking from Abu Dhabi - but that didn’t harm Carlos’ exaltation:</p><p>“What a beauty…”, the Spaniard murmured as soon as they arrived and the admiration for his car was easy to be seen in his eyes, while he all carefully let his fingertips run over the rear wing, almost as if to caress it.</p><p>Once again Lando couldn't help but notice how good the older one looked, especially tonight, with his hair on fleek as always and with the collar of his shirt sticking out from underneath the black sweater he was wearing…</p><p>And on the other side, the view of him with this former car stabbed Lando right in the heart.</p><p>He had got so used to seeing him like this: Carlos next to the McLaren, with all those familiar sponsors on the livery that were also on their matching race suits; Carlos at the MTC in general, talking to the associates, to Zak, sharing laughs with him and his subordinates - it looked so natural. So meant-to-be.</p><p>Over the past two seasons, it had always given Lando some kind of feeling of “being home”, even when they had been far away from home - something to hold onto, something consistent.</p><p>But standing there and watching how the Spaniard said his goodbye to his faithful MCL-34, he was once more reminded that things would change. Starting by tomorrow.</p><p>And with that realization, the smile that had just been on his face when they had headed off to here, with the feeling of Carlos’ arm around his shoulders still on his mind, disappeared, leaving him with his heart heavy with melancholy.</p><p>Carlos, according to that look on his face, seemed to feel something similar, too, yet for another reason:</p><p>“I have to admit, I was skeptical about it at first, the papaya colour and everything… wasn't really fond of it”, he admitted, still not taking his eyes off the car - quite the contrary, he started to slowly walk around this beautiful piece of engineering and let his gaze wander over it as if he tried to memorize every centimeter of it forever.</p><p>“But this car will always have a special place in my heart”, he proceeded. “I mean, we scored my first podium together!” - and his face lit up with a proud, nostalgic smile on the memory of that one.</p><p>Lando couldn’t help but feel the corners of his mouth twitch, too, rising into a bittersweet smile at the memory of said day. Of how they had celebrated on the podium together as a team, feeling invincible and spraying champagne in the pit lane - not to talk about the sticky hug he and Carlos shared afterwards…</p><p>
  <em>Oh, the good times.</em>
</p><p>“That will stay with me forever…”, Carlos whispered, seemingly a little lost in memories as well, and as hard as it was for himself, Lando couldn’t stand to see his best friend so downcast.</p><p>“I’m sure your Ferrari will also look <em>smashing!”</em>, he replied to comfort him, trying his best to sound enthusiastic with it, even if he didn’t really mean what he said.</p><p>Sure, he might be biased, but in his eyes, the Ferrari would always look ugly. Not because of its whatever-design for next year itself, but because the bare thought of Carlos sitting in that red car instead of the upcoming MCL-36, as <em>his</em> teammate, made him jealous.</p><p>Lando knew it was silly, childish even, but he couldn’t help but feel this way.</p><p>Automatically he clenched his fists, trying to make these thoughts go away and also to keep his frown under control, because he really didn’t want to ruin this evening. Carlos deserved a decent goodbye, without having to worry about him, who happened to like his teammate a little too much.</p><p>But luckily, the Spaniard didn’t look up this time, so he didn’t notice Lando’s struggle. He still only had eyes for his old car.</p><p>“Mhmm…”, he hummed, rapt in thought, and let his fingers briefly run over the McLaren’s framework, over all the little sponsor logos on it, as he continued to round the car.</p><p>Lando would have given <em>a lot</em> to know what was going through the older one’s mind now.</p><p>Was it in this moment that he regretted his move? That he wished he had stayed at McLaren for longer? Or was it just bittersweet nostalgia hitting him, at the sight of his former car and with the premonition of how much work it would require at Ferrari?</p><p>Lando felt horrible for it, but a part of him really wanted Carlos to regret it. To, at last, admit that he had made a mistake. He didn’t want the Spaniard to be all happy and excited for “the new challenge ahead”, as he had been presenting himself towards the media over the past couple of weeks. He wanted him to be sad about leaving as well, as sad as he himself was.</p><p>Even if it didn’t change a thing in the end, wether he left all happy or devastated or whatever. The deals were done, the contracts signed, Carlos’ and Daniel’s as well. There was no going back, not even when they wished on it.</p><p>And on the other side, Lando only wanted the best for him, of course he did. He wanted him to be happy, to enjoy and succeed with whatever he did. But - and Lando knew it was selfish - with <em>himself</em> by his side only. Not with Ferrari. Not with Charles.<br/>
Only with himself. As teammates, together.</p><p>He had nothing in particular against the Monégasque, but Lando just couldn’t stand the thought of him accompanying Carlos in his place, and even if it was only about such simple things as going through debriefs or PR duties together.</p><p>But what if, even worse, it didn’t stop at that? What if “the two Carlitos”, as they were already called in social media, would also play FIFA together or go golfing or doing funny Instagram-stuff, such as head-banging like crazy in a car?</p><p>And before Lando could even blink, the two of them would be friends, with inside-jokes and hilarious stories to tell.</p><p>He just knew they would. Because Carlos was so easy to befriend, to be around, to spend time with. He was one of those rare persons you’d meet in life that you just could not <em>not</em> like.</p><p>Lando knew that. That’s why he had fallen head over heels for him.</p><p>It had hit him during the 2019 Brazil race weekend, when the team had surprised him with the milk-carton-cake for his birthday - or more precisely, how they <em>had planned to surprise him,</em> if Carlos hadn’t spoiled it, all of a sudden telling him that he needed to come with him upstairs now, but not answering why.</p><p>Of course the surprise party hadn’t been a surprise anymore after that and they still teased the Spaniard with this every now and then, but it had been this particular moment - after Lando had blown out the candles on his cake, when he had coincidentally shared a glance with his so handsome and kind teammate, who had smiled back just as brightly as Lando himself - that it had hit him like a thunderbolt: <em>Fuck. I have a crush on you.</em></p><p>And he’s had ever since - sometimes more, sometimes less happily. The classic “on top of the world one day, down in the dumps on the next”.</p><p>Lando actually was aware most of the time that this was only one-sided - because why the hell should Carlos, this good-looking, talented, kind man, have even the tiniest bit of interest in him? In his younger teammate, who spent his free-time playing video games all night, with still no facial hair at 21 and a questionable taste in clothing?</p><p>(Apart from that he didn’t even know if Carlos was interested in men at all…!)</p><p>So, most of the time, Lando deep inside him was convinced that it was pointless, crushing on Carlos, as his feelings would for sure never be returned.</p><p>But then again, there were moments where things looked different. When Carlos pulled him close before the eyes of others, for example, like a few minutes ago in front of their boss, or when he spent almost all his time in Lando’s driver’s room or when he literally ran to him to congratulate him on <em>his</em> first podium -</p><p>It was in these moments when Lando wasn’t so sure anymore, if there really was <em>nothing</em> else than friendship between them.</p><p>And although it always ended up the same - with crying himself to sleep, when it dawned on him once again that it only was the Spaniard’s way to express his friendly appreciation, rather than romantic interests - a small part of him never stopped to nourish hope. That there could be more, one day, maybe.</p><p>But unfortunately, only time would tell and until then, he sucked up all the the good bits, literally starving for them. He took everything he could get from Carlos, even if it was only this, as friends. It was at least something.</p><p>Presumably this had been his biggest problem with the whole news of Carlos’ new contract: The fear of losing <em>even that,</em> as soon as they would no longer be on the same team. Of losing it all, then, when Carlos would have found a new best friend in Charles and that they would slowly, but surely drift apart.</p><p>The imagination scared Lando like crazy, but before it could get any bad, the sound of Carlos’ low chuckle suddenly interrupted his thoughts and brought him back to reality.</p><p>
  <em>Hu?</em>
</p><p>A little confused from so abruptly having been torn from his thoughts, Lando looked over to his teammate, no clue about what was funny all of a sudden - because he hadn’t just imagined his laugh, there really was a smile on Carlos’ face. And it wasn’t a sad one, no, the Spaniard seemed to rather be… amused?</p><p>And he was indeed:</p><p>“You know, now I can say it, but… at first, I honestly wasn’t sure about the move to here in general, after everything that happened with Renault”, he unexpectedly confessed. “If it was the right decision to come to McLaren, and where I was going with my career at all.”</p><p>He shook his head in unbelief over his own worries, which seemed so stupid and unnecessary in hindsight.</p><p>“But now, looking back, I can say it was… <em>quite a good one”, </em>he added, as he came around the car, unable to hold back the gorgeous smile his lips wanted to curl into on such an understatement. The mere sight caused Lando’s heart to leap. “Probably the best one I’ve made so far…”</p><p>Carlos gave the McLaren a last, loving look and took a deep breath, soaking in the moment, before he then turned away resolutely and joined up with Lando on the central aisle again.</p><p>“And I’m glad I did it”, he said in conclusion, his facial expression fully supporting his words, and Lando couldn’t help but smile back at him when their eyes meet.</p><p>“I’m also glad you did it”, he agreed, as it seemed time now to say out loud things you’ve never said before - like how much you actually appreciate your teammate’s existence. Well, if not now then when?<br/>
And so, even though it caused his heart to race like crazy in his chest, Lando continued: “I- I mean… otherwise, we… we would have probably never met, or at least wouldn't have got to know each other so well, and- I don’t know, I would just lack a really, really great friend now…”</p><p>And because he really meant that with all his heart, probably more than Carlos could even imagine, Lando nervously awaited his reaction. Never before had he been so open about what the older one meant to him and even if it hadn’t been the <em>whole</em> truth, it was the truth.</p><p>However, Carlos just tried to casually wave it off, since he, despite his image of being a Spanish macho and his freakingly handsome looks, wasn’t too good at taking compliments.</p><p>“Ah, you would have made friends with someone else then-“</p><p>“But they wouldn’t have been as great as you”, Lando insisted resolutely, all serious - only realizing a split second later what he had just said, when the a pair of brown eyes set on him with visible surprise. Instantly he felt his cheeks getting hot. <em>Oh Christ!</em></p><p>“I- I mean, I- I’m very glad <em>you</em> were my first teammate in F1”, he hurried to explain, feeling too exposed suddenly to keep the eye-contact, so his gaze was restlessly sweeping around everywhere except for Carlos’ face while he tried to find the right words.</p><p>“You helped me so much with all of your experience and your confidence, and you gave me so much helpful advice on…”</p><p>Helplessly, Lando shook his head, unable to decide on something in particular ad lib. <em>“…everything</em>, actually, and- I just really think that you are best teammate I could have ever wished for. You are”, he added hoarsely, his voice breaking a little with the last words from the lump of excitement in his throat because of the confession he had just made; and his heart was racing like crazy as he gathered all his courage and dared to look up to his teammate through his lashes, to see his reaction.</p><p>And this time, the Spaniard didn’t try to play it cool - he couldn’t, even.</p><p>“Naww, now you’re making me all emotional…”, Carlos whispered with a soft expression, audibly touched to hear him say such things. And when he glanced at him with that so grateful and affectionate look in his eyes, Lando felt how the lump in his own throat got bigger, too, making him unable to speak, so he was only able to shrug his shoulders with an almost apologetic smile, before his vision already started to blur.</p><p>“Ey…”, he heard Carlos murmur softly and in an instant, Lando was pulled into a big hug by the older one. Without hesitation he flung his arms around his favourite teammate of all time, too, and squeezed him tightly, trying to hold back the tears as not to stain his sweater; and alone through this hug they did say everything that had to be said at that moment.</p><p>Oh, Lando would miss that. Being hugged by Carlos was among his favourite feelings ever. His teammate never went for those half-hearted greeting-hugs that everybody did, but nobody even liked - no, Carlos’ hugs were great. Wholesome, warm and firm - and everything Lando needed when he had a bad race or it simply wasn’t his best of days.</p><p>And with the knowledge that he wouldn’t get one of these as often anymore with the next season, he tried to enjoy it as much as he could, trying to memorize how it felt in every detail - how pleasant Carlos’ body-warmth was, how strong and broad his shoulders felt and the soft fabric of his sweater…</p><p>They stayed like that for a few seconds, just holding each other close, as they both didn't really seem to want to let go. And even when they <em>did</em> move apart in the end (after what felt like far too short but must have been probably their longest hug ever), they still didn’t do so completely, as Carlos kept hold of Lando’s shoulders, holding him in front of himself with both of his hands.</p><p>“I’m also glad I had you as my teammate”, the older one confessed while looking him directly in the eye, not breaking away the gaze. “You pushed me so hard every single weekend and helped me to grow, to become a better driver. I wouldn’t be who I am, and <em>where</em> I am today without you.”</p><p>He nodded as if to reinforce his own words and his smile was full of affection, when he looked at Lando. “You are my first real friend in all years of racing I’ve done now, ever. And no matter what, or who comes next in the future - he will never mean to me what… <em>you mean to me.”</em></p><p>His gaze intensified. “You’ll always be someone special for me.”</p><p>This sentence gave Lando goosebumps, of the best kind; and maybe it was the champagne speaking, but Lando suddenly felt as if he was drowning in Carlos’ chocolate-brown eyes, not caring anymore about the world around them, only looking in those beautiful eyes.</p><p>Those eyes that had looked out so well for him over the past years; that had seen him at both his best and his worst.</p><p>That had laid their gaze on him in so many talks; that had always found his across the garage or over their monitors during debrief, together with a soft smile.</p><p>Those eyes that were so expressive; that carried so much warmth inside them, and kindness and joy and ambition; and that were able to cause turmoil in his heart like no other.</p><p>Those eyes that he never ever wanted to <em>not</em> see or be seen by in his life.</p><p>Lando swallowed, his mouth suddenly feeling so dry and another lump in his throat making it hard to breathe, but he didn’t care, his attention only and entirely on the man in front of him.</p><p>His gaze flickered down to Carlos’ lips - to those softly reddish, plump lips he loved so much to watch when he spoke and which were so close now that it completely messed with his mind -, then up to his eyes again. The Spaniard’s gaze was still resting on him, fully and deeply, and it suddenly seemed to bear the same hunger that Lando felt himself-</p><p>At that point, he lost it.</p><p>It had been a losing game from the very beginning, from day one, he had known that; and although this would have been the last night he had to withstand - he just couldn't hold back anymore.</p><p>Before he knew, Lando overcame the distance between them and pressed his lips on Carlos’, doing what he had wanted for so long and kissing him; and fuck, it felt like heaven.</p><p>How often had he dreamt about this, at night and sometimes even during the day? How often had he tried to imagine what it would feel like, down to the smallest detail, what it would <em>taste</em> like?</p><p>Countless times, but none of them came even <em>close</em> to reality - it was so much better.</p><p>Feeling Carlos’ lips against his own was <em>everything.</em></p><p>But it was only a split second later that Lando’s dream turned into a full-fledged nightmare, when Carlos abruptly pulled away, pushing him off, his eyes wide with surprise.</p><p>“L-lando… what…?!”, the older one stuttered; and Lando felt as if the temperature dropped at a blow. Where there just had been the heat of overwhelming excitement and this other body so close to Lando’s own, there now was nothing more but the frightening realization of having made a mistake. A <em>huge</em> mistake.</p><p>
  <em>FUCK.</em>
</p><p>Adrenaline flooded his veins and Lando felt panic arising in his chest, together with shame, unbelievably much shame, while he and Carlos just stood there like paralyzed; both completely shocked and lost for words, yet not for the same reason.</p><p>“I-”, Lando stammered helplessly, with no clue what to do or to say now, glaring at the man half a meter across from him, who, however, felt so much farer away suddenly, so out of reach - but before either of them could even react in any way, they were interrupted when all of a sudden, the entrance door to the hall of fame was pushed open.</p><p>“There you are!”, a familiar voice called out, making the both drivers simultaneously flinch and turn their heads -</p><p>Only to see Charlotte, the charming McLaren-PR-lady, coming over to them with hasty steps, her heels clacking vigorously on the stone floor with each footfall.</p><p><em>“Oh thank God,</em> looks like you haven’t broken anything! Zak asked me to go and check if you’re behaving well here, before anything happens that’s difficult to explain to the-”</p><p>She faltered at a stroke, as she just now noticed the weirdly tense ambiance between Carlos and Lando, and the relief on her face turned into concern in the blink of an eye.</p><p>“Are you alright…?”, she asked and subliminally slowed down her pace at her last steps towards the both of them, looking from one to another in confusion, in the hope to find out what was going on here -</p><p>That abruptly got Lando out of his frozen shock state again:</p><p>“Yeah, yeah, it’s- we’re good”, he hurried to answer, a little bit <em>too</em> fast and with his voice too raucous to sound natural. But he still forced himself to nod with his words, flat-out lying to her face.</p><p>“I- I just wanted to go for some fresh air. A bit fuggy in here…”, he added, vaguely gesturing around the dimmed hall, and before Charlotte could get any suspicious, he was already walking off, heading towards the door as fast as he could.</p><p>Cut and run!</p><p>And he was already halfway there, when he heard Carlos call his name from behind, and the familiar, so beloved sound of his voice alone felt like a knife stabbed between his ribs for Lando, so it only made him walk faster, and faster and faster; and before he knew, he was running.</p><p>Hastily he tore the fucking glass door open and fled through, not minding if it smashed against the wall or even broke; and next he was running again, down the hallway and away from what he had just done, his eyes already filling up with tears, blurring his vision. Thank God he meanwhile knew his way around the MTC, so he even blinded made it to the front entrance somehow without getting lost.</p><p>With his heart pounding loudly in his ears, he pushed through the revolving door and ran outside. It was dark meanwhile and pretty cold, and also it was drizzling - typical British December weather -, but Lando didn’t even think one second of going back and getting his jacket or anything. He just ran straight across the parking lot, right to where he had left his car earlier this evening - earlier, when everything had still been okay.</p><p>This thought caused him to give a sudden sob. He didn’t even bother gulping it down anymore, as the party inside the brightly illuminated MTC was still well underway and nobody else was out here to see the tears that were now streaming down his face en masse.</p><p>
  <em>Fuck, what had he done, what HAD HE DONE?!</em>
</p><p>He had ruined fucking everything!</p><p>He had been aware before that it would be hard to keep up with their friendship in the future, when they both had duties with different teams, but now he had dealt the ultimate deathblow to it! He had screwed it all!</p><p>Only because he couldn’t have kept his shit together and Carlos now knew that he had feelings for him that went beyond friendship!</p><p>Lando’s fingers were shaking with consternation, when he arrived at his car which was glistening from the rain; shaking so much that he struggled to get the keys out of the pocket of his jeans (luckily he hadn’t kept them in his jacket!) and it made him look up in panic, afraid that Carlos would come after him, stop him and confront him with <em>what the fuck</em> he had just done, mortifying him to death - but he didn’t. There was no one else in the parking lot, no one even visible in the entrance hall of the MTC, close to the doors - only him alone.</p><p>Nonetheless, as soon as Lando had managed to get the bloody keys out, he immediately unlocked the car and got in, turning it on even before he had strapped his seat-belt on. With a hasty move, he went in reverse and forced the steering wheel completely to the left, somehow managed to pull out of the parking space without ramming another car, then accelerated and drove off with screeching tires, fleeing for what felt like his dear life.</p><p>From the moment he was out on the nightly road, he pushed the throttle pedal down to the maximum, trying to put distance between himself and that <em>fucking</em> place of shame as quick as possible.</p><p>He didn’t pay attention to how fast he was actually going, his brain running on full autopilot, but telling from the road markings flying by, he was fast; way faster than allowed on this route, but he couldn’t have cared less. A traffic ticket would really be the slightest of his problems right now-</p><p>
  <em>Oh God, what had he done, what had he just done?!</em>
</p><p>The memory of Carlos’ shocked face alone made his insides cringe. Never had he felt as mortified before as in the moment that the Spaniard had suddenly broken the kiss and looked at him with so much confusion in his eyes-</p><p>Lando felt his throat tighten even more and a choked sob escaped from his mouth, forcing his lips apart as he could barely breathe.</p><p>
  <em>Oh God, oh God, oh God…!</em>
</p><p>He clenched his teeth with shame and tried to force himself to focus on the bloody road, well aware that he had to keep himself together for the drive, but he just couldn’t. His thoughts were circulating rapidly around <em>how on earth</em> he could have really believed that his would end up well and how he could have lost it at <em>their last fucking night as teammates!</em></p><p>It was impossible to <em>not</em> think about it, especially when all of a sudden his phone went off in the pocket of his jeans, causing him to shriek and almost swerve the wheel in shock.</p><p>Lando immediately knew who it was, without having even seen the caller ID, and the mere thought caused him to panic. Whilst driving, he hastily tried to fumble the phone out of his pocket, with new tears rolling down his cheeks, but by no means to answer it, but only to reject the call with quivering fingers, before he then threw the phone on the passenger’s seat, just away from him - he couldn’t stand the thought of <em>him</em> ringing in his pocket.</p><p>For a few seconds, there was nothing to hear except for the engine noise, and Lando tried to calm his madly racing pulse again, tried to breathe, to focus again, holding onto the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turned white-</p><p>But then the phone rang for a second time, this time with Carlos and himself smiling brightly at him from the enlightened display, from the selfie they had taken at one of their latest games of golf, as it had been such a happy, relaxed day-</p><p>Seeing it now, however, only made his heart break even more, knowing that this was a thing of the past now, and Lando rashly reached over to press down the power button as hard as he could, almost as if he was trying to strangle the phone, sobbing with relief when the screen finally went black, cutting Carlos fucking off, leaving him alone on his own in the car.</p><p>The tears were totally unstoppable now, trickling over his face and dripping down onto his from the rain already dampened sweater, and he could feel there was much more welling up inside him, a giant eruption of desperation and shame and pain making it’s way up. And as much as Lando would have loved to just give in and abandon himself to his feelings, to not hold back any longer, he also knew he had to pull himself together until he was fully home - even though on the other hand, he wouldn’t even have minded crashing into the next tree, as much as it hurt.</p><p>It felt as if Carlos had broken not only his heart, but every bone in his body, and a part of him wanted to hate the damn Spaniard for this - whereas at the same time, Lando was so immensely glad that he been able to those these lips at least for once, those lips that he had wished he could kiss for so long. He <em>had</em> just done that, and it had been even better than in all those confusing dreams of his - so much better.</p><p>And even though it had only lasted for a tiny short bit, two or three seconds, maximum, Lando knew that he would never forget this feeling in his entire life, <em>ever.</em> He had already known that during the moment itself, actually, and now it turned to be true. This memory would be with him forever.</p><p>Kissing Carlos had been something else, something that could not be described in words and especially not forgotten.</p><p>…which was good, because he would have to feed on this memory for the rest of his life, as it would never happen again.</p><p>This realization made him tremble with pain and another sob bursted out of him, new tears blurring his vision until he could barely see a thing anymore.</p><p>Lando had no idea how, but he somehow he managed to drive the last stretch to his apartment without crashing into anything. He was still crying when he pulled up in his parking lot after what had felt like hours, but could have only been a few minutes - he knew the route between the MTC and his place and how long it took, he had driven it often enough.</p><p>Nevertheless he felt even worse than after a two hour race when he literally had to force himself to get out of the car with wobbly knees. He felt sick in his stomach, and miserable, and the cold wind that immediately welcomed him as soon as he got out made him tremble, the trails of tears on his cheeks biting his skin. But that wasn’t even the worst.</p><p>The worst part was how alone he felt, how alone and lost and wretched and worthless.</p><p>It weighed on each of his steps as he, still quietly sobbing to himself, forced himself up the stairs to the door. He somehow managed to get the keys in in time, despite his fingers were shaking as if he suffered from a tremor from both the cold and how emotionally wasted he felt.</p><p>With the last of his strength, he pushed the door open and dragged his weary self into the abandoned flat, which appeared, with all the lights out, almost as dark as he felt inside-</p><p>But, well, it was not completely darkened: Even from his wardrobe, he could see the light of his little artificial Christmas tree, which was, thanks to a timer switch, already gleaming softly in the living room.</p><p>The sight made him gulp hard, the lump in his throat growing bigger when he remembered how he had first set it up here.</p><p>Carlos had bought it for him last year, after they had had a pretty heated discussion about Christmas trees during one of the last races. The older one had been openly shocked that Lando wasn’t planning to get a Christmas tree - because he wouldn’t be in his flat over the holidays anyway, but at his parent’s place, as he had said in his defense. And also, he wasn’t too good at keeping plants alive, even if it was just a merry tree.</p><p>But Carlos had not accepted that excuse and a few days later, a surprise package arrived at Lando’s address - he by then had already forgotten this talk -, which turned out to carry a Christmas tree replica of easily one meter of height, already fully decorated and with lights.</p><p>And the little card attached said, that even he should be able to keep this thing “alive” and that it wasn’t Christmas without a Christmas tree, “you muppet” - leaving no doubt from whom this gift came.</p><p>Lando had been astonished that this topic seemed to be so important to the Spaniard, but above all, he truly rejoiced over the tree - for the very reason that it was a present from Carlos.</p><p>Of course he had immediately set it up in his living room then and it had kept him company until well into January, spreading festive vibes every evening from 6pm, thanks to the timer switch.</p><p>Okay, it <em>did</em> look a bit corny, with all the massively sparkling decoration and the many, many lights, as well as its super-intense shade of green at the branches - but Lando loved it so much.</p><p>Also this year, he had been looking forward to setting up again in advance and, because of the triple header, he had already done so in November, so that he had been able to enjoy the sight for a bit before leaving for Bahrain.</p><p>He had enjoyed it <em>so</em> much.</p><p>But now, the sight of the tree felt nothing but sneering. As if it was making fun of him.</p><p><em>You really thought he’d like you, too? Oh dream on!,</em> it seemed to say, laughing so hard that its decorated branches were jiggling. <em>Look at me. I was probably worth 50 quid on the sale. That's how much you are worth to him - a well-placed joke gift. But nothing more.</em></p><p>Lando knew trees couldn’t talk, but the words hit him right in his wounded feelings, rekindling the shame of having been rejected and the pain of his shattered false hopes. And suddenly, it turned into rage.</p><p>Before he knew what was going on, Lando rushed to the tree, yanked the plug from the socket, which abruptly cut the lights, and then tossed the fucker across his living room with a cry of frustration. The tree dashed hard against the couch, the baubles and tinsel garlands and little golden stars and other ornaments falling off it, shattering and rolling over the floor.</p><p>Lando just stood there and looked in shock at the chaos he had created, panting heavily, his heart racing in his chest as if he was on the run.</p><p>…which he was, kind of. On the run from his own feelings.</p><p>But there were things in life, that you just couldn’t run away from. That couldn’t be just left behind as if nothing had happened. Some things couldn’t be shaken off, especially not by destroying your Christmas decorations.</p><p>Lando felt his eyes water again.</p><p><em>Merry Christmas,</em> he bitterly thought to himself, before he couldn’t keep it together anymore and broke down in tears on the carpet.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>...and on that nasty cliffhanger, I will have to leave you guys until tomorrow - I know, I know, I’m sorry!! But I'll make up for it. Promise! ♥</p><p>(As some of you might already know that I have a soft spot for happy endings (and also, it's Christmas!)... any guesses how it's gonna work out / what's gonna happen? :) )</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. "I'll go wherever you will go"</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Okay, folks, one day later than planned, but here we go: The last chapter of my Christmas story! ♥</p><p>I'm really sorry I didn't get to upload it yesterday. But when I was working it over one the last time, I suddenly had a different and (in my opinion) better idea for the plot that I definitely wanted to realize. And so... I re-wrote the whole second half of the chapter x)</p><p>But anyway, here it is and I hope you will like it :)<br/>(Btw, thanks to those who messaged me and asked where chapter 3 was yesterday - I didn't think anyone would even notice the delay, to be honest :D )</p><p>Please listen to "Here with me" by Dido for the first bit and to the bridge / last refrain of the beautiful title-giving song "Wherever you will go" by The Calling when... oh, I think you'll know when ;)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><b>Thursday, December 24</b><b><sup>th</sup> </b> <b>, 2020 - Christmas Eve - Norris Farm, Glastonbury</b></p><p>Sitting by the window, Lando watched how the snowfall got heavier with what felt like each minute. He looked on as more and more snowflakes made their way down from the skies, dancing their hypnotic dance, and covered the ground with a thick white coat.</p><p>That was probably what Lando liked the most about snowing: How it covered up everything in white, wether it was roads or houses or tree stumps, until you could only tell by the shape what was hidden underneath. When the snow was still very fresh and nobody yet had left their footsteps in it, so that it almost looked like as if someone had draped a nice, fuzzy blanket over the grassland. Everything seemed so at peace and pretty then.</p><p>But some things could not be covered up with snow, no matter how many flakes you’d pour on it - like the turmoil of emotions inside Lando’s heart.</p><p>Saying that the last days had been rough was a massive understatement. After the latest happenings at the MTC, he suffered from major heart-break.</p><p>He had always rolled his eyes over the dramatic enactment of lovesickness in movies, proclaiming that it was totally exaggerated as he had never experienced anything similar when he had broken up or had been broken up with by one of his sandbox-sweethearts before. It had mostly annoyed him when a girl had fancied someone else more than him, as a matter of his own ego, though had he never been really sad or even shed a tear about it.</p><p>But now for the first time, he felt just like the characters in those movies.</p><p>When he had broken down on his carpet on Saturday night, between what was left from his Christmas tree, he had honestly thought he’d die right there, right then, because it had been hurting so much in his chest that he had barely been able to breathe - and a part of him also had wished that he would just stop fully.</p><p>It had been the most cruel experience Lando had ever had. Nothing compared to this pain, <em>ever,</em> not even after his worst racing crashes, as every single bit of his body had seemed to be sore and aching, despite no detectable physical injuries. Presumably that would have been easier to endure, because physical injuries could be treated. But this had been a pain welling up from the deep inside, from where no band-aid could be placed, and that alone one person in the world could alleviate - but unfortunately, this sole person would be the last to show up at his door to do so. Because Carlos did not happen to love him back.</p><p>And that was when Lando had realized why he before had never felt like this after a break-up: Because he had never felt anything similar for these girls to what he felt for Carlos. Not at all similar, not even the slightest bit. He had thought he’d knew what it meant to be in love before - but oh boy, never had he been so wrong.</p><p>He had had over a year to come to terms with his apparent bisexuality, but realizing that Carlos was the first person he had ever, in the truest sense of the word, fallen in<em> love </em>with, with his whole heart - that was new. And yet true - the Spaniard was the first person he had ever wanted to gift the said heart of his. If he would have asked him to do so, Lando wouldn’t have hesitated to tear it out of his chest and hand it over.</p><p>Whereas at the same time, Carlos had suddenly also become the person he had to protect his heart from the most. The person who was able to do the most damage to it.</p><p>And so Lando had found himself feeling weirdly torn apart between two extremes, that could have barely been more opposite:</p><p>On the one hand, he had been literally yearning for the older one, missing his presence already so much in these dark nightly hours that he had almost wanted to phone him, in the desperate attempt to make up or to bring up the excuse that he had been sooo drunk from that one glass of champagne or anything - anything but a way for them to go on, as friends, because just thinking of a life without Carlos had made him panic worse than ever. He had even thought about suppressing his caller ID so that Carlos would definitely pick up, to just hear his voice, only for once again-</p><p>But on the other hand, he had been so embarrassed and distraught and hurt that he had been fearing the confrontation like nothing else in his life so that, in the end, he had neither dared to touch his phone nor his computer and had stayed alone on his own, crying over the fucking mess he had created. He just had not been able to stop. Every time his sobs had calmed down a little, the ugly truth had hit him again and new tears had streamed out of his eyes and had shaken him through.</p><p>Like this it had gone back and forth all through the night and Lando had soon lost track of time, but these gruesome hours had felt like an eternity for him at least. At some point he had eventually fallen asleep from exhaustion, unsure for how long. However, when he had woken up again, still lying on the carpet in his living room, among the mess of ornaments and plastic fir needles, it had already been dawning outside - a new day, fresh and innocent and auspicious before his windows, but Lando himself had only felt drained and worn out.</p><p>Somehow he had managed to get up without hurting himself on any of the shards and had dragged himself into the bathroom, to take a shower. But even when he had stepped out of it ten minutes later and put on some new clothes that hadn’t been sticking to his skin with sweat, tears and saliva, all fresh and cleaned on the outside - his insides had still been the same.</p><p>As he had already realized yesterday - some things could not be shaken off so easily, nor could they be washed down the drain.</p><p>Unlike last night, though, Lando had found himself unable to cry anymore about it. It had been as if his eyes had dried out, as if there had been no liquid left in his body to form even a single tear. Instead, he had also felt weirdly… numbed. The memory of his fuck-up had still been there, as well as the ugly feeling of having been turned down and the pain it had caused him, but it had felt somewhat duller, farer away, like the last remains of bad dream in the morning, only that it had been real this time. But the initial shock had been replaced by apathy instead.</p><p>That had also been when Lando had noticed for the first time how quiet it actually was in his single-flat. Usually, he always knew how to keep himself entertained and there never was much silence or time that had to be filled, even if it was just with hours of twitch-streaming - but on this Sunday morning, it had, for the first time, been so fucking quiet and lonely in these four walls of his, that he had hardly been able to stand it.</p><p>After two hours, he had not been able to take it any further, as it had made his thoughts roam around always the same question of “Why?”. Why had he kissed im? Why did Carlos not love him back and why did the older one still sometimes act in that special way towards him then? Why had Carlos said that he, Lando, would always be someone special to him?</p><p>Why, why why. Always the same questions circling in his head, yet with no answers.</p><p>So before it had been able to mess with him too much, Lando had curtly packed his bags and got in the car, in order to drive to his family earlier than actually planned, in the hope that he’d feel better back at home, where it would at least not be so overwhelmingly quiet and desolate with five other people around.</p><p>But unfortunately, his wish had not been granted: Even now, after four days surrounded by his family, it was still hard to not think about these things, about Carlos. Constantly. It was the first thing coming to his mind when he woke up and the last thought before he drifted off to sleep, although he didn’t actually want to. It just happened.</p><p>These first moments in the morning, when he was slowly waking up (no alarm clocks set over Christmas!), were actually the best part of the day. Because for a few seconds, when his brain was still halfway asleep, it felt as if everything was fine, as if nothing had happened - only to be followed by the most cruel seconds, when he remembered his situation. That he had scared his best friend away with those stupid feelings he had developed for him.</p><p>The realization only got worse the more often he went through it and it usually inevitably brought the tears back to his eyes. Lando really fought to hold them back, but failed miserably every time.</p><p>And so he started his days with sobbing into his pillow, trying his best to be quiet, so that nobody would hear him. He definitely didn’t want to talk about <em>that</em> disgrace, but of course, even if he didn’t say anything, his family still noticed something was wrong with him - how could they not, when he came downstairs for breakfast with his eyes still puffy and red, even when he had tried to wash away the worst with cold water in the bathroom before?</p><p>And no matter how hard he tried to act as if everything was fine, it was obvious to everyone that he was not - on from day he had made his hasty arrival at his parents’ farm, with his face swollen and a headache from the many hours of crying and dark shadows underneath his eyes from the little sleep he’d had.</p><p>So of course everybody noticed it, but it was Flo, though, who had made a first approach to talk about it with him. It had been on Monday, after their first breakfast altogether, when his younger sister had caught him getting lost in his thoughts again while they had been doing the dishes together.</p><p>“I’m sure you’ll still be good friends”, she had said out of nothing and Lando had almost dropped the plate he was just drying up, as he flinched with panic in his eyes, staring at his younger sister, who couldn’t have just guessed what had happened between Carlos and him, could she?!</p><p>But Flo had just looked back at him with visible confusion over his strong reaction.</p><p>“With Carlos, even if he drives for Ferrari now”, she had explained then. “I’m sure you’ll still be close. You got along so well, this won’t just <em>end</em> because one of you changed employers.”</p><p>And even if that actually should had been a reason to heave a sigh of relief - she hadn’t suspected anything regarding his feelings for Carlos! -, Lando hadn’t been able to feel relieved at all. He had just stood there like solid frozen, perplexedly glaring at his sister, unable to cope with the storm of emotions that erupted in him at the mere mention of Carlos' name - which had caused his sister to backtrack.</p><p>“I thought it was about Carlos, that you are so… sad-”, she had tried to explain, but Lando had quickly cut her short: “I’m not!”, he had stated, both embarrassed and angry that his hiding game with his true mood had apparently not been quite successful.</p><p>“I’m not sad, I said, I’m just… <em>tired,</em> okay?!”, he had said again, with the best not-sad-face he had been able to put on, but too harsh to actually sound convincing.</p><p>However, it anyway was presumably the lamest excuse in the history of mankind and no wonder it had made his younger sister skeptically raise her eye brows in return.</p><p>But Lando hadn’t cared. From there on, he stuck to this answer whenever someone asked if he was <em>really</em> alright, or only even dared to look at him with worry.</p><p>He always promised that he was fine, just worn out from those <em>tree weeks of F1-racing he had just done,</em> as he liked to snap at the questioner, which silenced any attempts for the next time.</p><p>But as it was both obvious that a) there was more than only the exhaustion bothering him, but also b) that he didn’t want to talk about it, his family had tried their best to cheer him up at least. They really had.</p><p>Olli had tried to enthuse him with some sim-racing, as there had been a software update or something, Lando hadn't listened so closely - his father had suggested to work on the old-timer car together that he had bought a few months ago, and his sisters had even tried to pretend interested for some racing stories, which Lando usually loved to tell a lot, just like sim-racing or working on his dad’s car with him - but these days, it had all only annoyed him and he had turned down every suggestion his family made.</p><p>He would have loved them to just let him be, as their efforts just over and over again kept reminding him of that something was wrong.</p><p>His mother had even asked if she should make some of the chocolate pudding he loved so much, a whole bowl only for him, but Lando had not felt like eating at all. Also at the other meals, he had rather forced himself to swallow the tiny bits he shoved into his mouth, his stomach too cramped up and his heart too heavy to enjoy it.</p><p>So he had just shaken his head and thanked his mother for the offer, but when he had seen the distinct disappointment in her face, he had brought himself to change his mind. He said, though, that one bowl for him alone would be far too much - which was the truth, with his famine so low -, so that maybe they could share it altogether - <em>much</em> to the astonishment of his mother.</p><p>“O-of course we can”, she had stammered, obviously taken by surprise, but she had tried to play it all good whereas on the inside, she then had known that something utterly big was bothering her son. Because Lando had never voluntarily shared his pudding before. NEVER.</p><p>But apparently there was a first time for everything, no matter if it was a broken heart or sharing chocolate pudding, and so later that day, the Norris family had been sitting together in the living room, savouring the delicious dessert. And while they had been doing so, talking about this and that, it suddenly had started to snow outside.</p><p>Cisca had been the first one to see it and even though she also wasn’t a kid anymore, Lando’s youngest sister was still crazy about snow. Unlike her brother, she wasn’t satisfied with just watching the flakes fall - she had to be straightaway <em>in</em> the thick of it, romping through the white and doing snow-angels and all that stuff.</p><p>She was definitely a winter person and also had such a contagious nature, that it hadn’t taken much art of persuasion to get the whole family getting ready for a walk in the snow after they had finished their desserts.</p><p>A little lost and still sitting in his armchair, Lando had watched how they all had made moves to put on their jackets and heavy boots, scarves and gloves, uncertain what he should do now, when his mother had turned to him.</p><p>“Are you coming with us?”, she had asked carefully, almost as if she had been awaiting another snappy reply. “Or… are you too tired?”</p><p>And it was as if everybody else by the hallway-wardrobe had suddenly stopped moving, eagerly been waiting for his answer, too.</p><p>Lando’s gaze had uncertainly flickered over to the doorway, finding Cisca looking back at him, her eyes big and pleading almost like those of a puppy. That had completely collapsed Lando's internal resistance, which had already faltered with the pudding. He just couldn’t deny his youngest sister, their nestling, any wish.</p><p>And so, much to the surprise of his family, he had shaken his head and even had forced himself to smile, when he had answered that, no, he wasn’t too tired and that he’d love to come with them - and surprisingly, the walk had been quite nice, also.</p><p>It had been like a wake-up-call for him, the sad look on his mother’s face and the begging eyes of his sister. It had made him realize how much these people - his family - cared for him and how much they loved him. How they only wanted him to feel better, not to annoy him.</p><p>And this had caused him to, for the first time since Saturday, feel a warm spark of gladness in his heart again, where there only had been devastation and before - a tiny spark, but a spark.</p><p>So from the next day, he had really tried to pull himself together more and to be nicer to his siblings and parents, as they only wanted to help. He had gladly taken on every invitation they made, wether it was more walks in the snow, including the spontaneous snow-ball-fight with Olli, or how he even went to the stables with Flo, to watch her training with her horse - anything was convenient, as the distraction really paid off.</p><p>It still hurt and Lando knew his heart would need quite some time to recover, but keeping himself occupied kept his thoughts from roaming free too much - and every minute that he didn’t think about Carlos helped with the healing.</p><p> </p><p>But now, on Christmas Eve, watching the snowflakes fall, it hit him again. This was the season to be around those you loved, and even though Lando was, with his family - there was still one person missing.</p><p>He sighed, still looking outside of the window, and asked himself if Carlos had snow at his place right now, too. If he was maybe also watching it fall and thinking about what had happened. Or if he was with his family, having a great time and not minding even one second about that <em>cabrón</em> from England.</p><p>Lando pulled a face at that thought, unable to tell if it was only exaggerated self-pity or could actually be the case. There an easy way to find out, though, by checking on Instagram, but Lando didn’t have the courage to do so. It didn’t matter anyway, wether Carlos was already over it or not. It had no relevance for his life anymore what the Spaniard did. They were no longer teammates or friends or anything. End of the story.</p><p>However, what sounded so simple was way harder to fully accept and Lando couldn’t deny that he felt worse again today. Not to say that he had been perfectly great the days before, though, but at least he had been distracted enough to not get lost in thoughts so much, whereas today, the whole disaster was omnipresent again in his mind, spoiling his mood.</p><p>Never had he ever felt so un-Christmas-y before. Normally, this was his favourite time of the year. He really enjoyed driving home to his family for what felt like a little break from the crazy world of superlatives of F1. During the holidays, he didn’t have to be “Lando Norris, driver for McLaren F1 Team”, only “Lando”, the second-oldest child, who got to do all the normal stuff other families did too over the holidays, like sleeping late, eating lots, playing board games, watching Christmas movies together and overall just having a good time together.</p><p>This year, though, there was hardly any holiday-spirit in him.</p><p>As much as he tried to channel it, with even wearing this super ugly Christmas sweater he had specially bought for this year - it didn’t work. All his smiles were faked hard, as was his joy over the presents he received or those he handed out to his family, and when the opulent Christmas dinner was on the table, he also had like zero appetite. To be fair, it looked fantastic and also smelled nice, it always did, but nonetheless Lando couldn’t bring himself to eat much of it.</p><p>He rather shoved the food from one side of the plate to the other with his fork and hoped pleadingly that no-one would notice (or not address it, at least!) and moreover, that the others would finish their plates soon, <em>before</em> they could notice.</p><p>He really struggled with putting up a brave front today and was very much looking forward to retreating straight back to his former child-bedroom again, to be on his own for a while and sort out his thoughts.</p><p>He was just taking another inconspicuous look again at how far the others were with their plates, when suddenly, the doorbell rang.</p><p>“I’ll go!”</p><p>Lando jumped up so quickly that he almost knocked over his chair, deeply relieved by the excuse to be able to leave the table. And before anyone could argue (or even react at all), he already stormed into the hallway, towards the front door.</p><p>He reckoned it was one of their lonesome neighbours who wanted to wish them a merry Christmas and then would engage him in a far-too-long conversation about neighbourhood-chit-chat and their health problems and all the other stuff elderly people talk about - not exactly something Lando was keen on doing, but it was better than being stuck at the dinner table and only waiting for the other’s to finish, at least.</p><p>But when he pulled the door open, he experienced a massive surprise: Because there was no old man from the neighbourhood standing on the doorsteps, in the blowing snow, but…</p><p>“Carlos!”, Lando gasped in shock as he recognized the Spaniard. His heart rate immediately sped up when he was confronted with this sight again that he used to love so much, but that now caused a wild mixture of confusion, fright and the reflexive urge to slam the door again in his head - which lead to nothing but complete paralysis and making him stare at the unexpected visitor as if he was an alien. That probably couldn’t have surprised him more.</p><p>“Hi”, Carlos said and tried to smile, but failed, as he appeared to be just as tense and nervous.</p><p>Had Lando at first almost believed in a hallucination or something - triggered by the exceptional emotional state he had been in the past few days, so that his brain would by now simply show him what he desired to see most -, he was taught better when he heard the voice of his teammate. Realizing that Carlos standing there on their porch, with his hands in the pockets of his coat and snowflakes in his hair, was not only part of his imagination, but actually happening, made him shiver with adrenaline. <em>Massively much</em> adrenaline.</p><p>Out of reflex, Lando sought hold on the doorway because he felt as if he was gonna faint.</p><p>“What- what are you doing here?”, he asked confusedly, too overcharged to think straight, but didn’t take his eyes off his former teammate, his best friend, <em>his crush</em> for not even one second - as if he could. He also didn’t even feel the cold, although he was only wearing his cheesy Merry-Christmas-sweater to the outside instead of a warm coat, like Carlos.</p><p>The Spaniard’s reply came in an instant:</p><p>“I had to see you”, he said and his voice had an unfamiliar tone of insecurity and remorse to it, when he said that. He looked at Lando for a second, then he let out a breath of relief.</p><p><em>“¡Dios! </em>You have no idea how good it is to see you’re…”, he went, vaguely gesturing into Lando’s direction. Apparently he had wanted to say something like <em>alright,</em> <em>okay, fine</em> or the like originally, but bit back on that, considering how Lando in all honesty looked anything except for <em>alright</em>. He had caught up on the sleep and had also forced himself to eat and to engage in the family’s everyday life, however, it wasn’t still hard to spot that he hadn’t been at his best over the last days.</p><p>It didn’t go unnoticed by Carlos either, as Lando could tell from the compassionate, guilty expression that now appeared on the Spaniard’s face.</p><p>“I was so worried that you-…”, he started, but didn’t get to finish the sentence, as they suddenly were interrupted by the voice of Mrs. Norris calling from the living room.</p><p>“Who is it, honey?”, she wanted to know, but Lando was too startled to answer and neither did Carlos make a move to reveal himself. Instead, his former teammate just looked at him with an expression that almost looked like worry, as if he was scared that Lando would just turn around and close the door again, before his mother could ask again. And it also seemed to be what the Spaniard wanted to prevent at all costs:</p><p>“Can we… talk?”, he quickly asked, before Lando could make any attempt on retreating, with a pleading look that the latter had never seen on him before. But again, there apparently were first times for everything and therefore also for Carlos Sainz jr. being insecure for once and almost begging him to stay.</p><p>And as much as he hated himself for it, Lando couldn’t say no. He would probably never able to do so. Not to Carlos.</p><p>Surrendering to the fact that Carlos still had a bigger influence on him than he preferred (but also slightly curious, if he was honest), Lando stepped outside as well, pulling the door ajar behind him, just until the point before it could fall shut.</p><p>Because it was noticeably cooler out here than still halfway in the house, Lando instinctively wrapped his arms around his upper body, which gave him something to hold onto and also covered up his ugly sweater as a sideline. He had found this thing pretty funny when he had discovered it on the internet, and he also didn’t have a problem wearing something like this around his family, but facing Carlos, it suddenly felt childish and improper.</p><p>For a few seconds, they just stood there, glancing at each other in silence, while the snowflakes were hustling around the porch, as neither of them dared to make the first move.</p><p>It was Carlos then, who did it, nervously clearing his throat.</p><p>“I, uhm- don’t worry, your address isn’t leaked or anything”, he murmured. “I… I messaged Sacha for it. When I couldn’t find you at your place.”</p><p>Lando pricked up his ears - <em>his place? </em>Did that mean that had Carlos tried to check on him? But-</p><p>“I thought you were in Spain, with your family-”, Lando gave back, with his forehead in skeptical wrinkles.</p><p><em>As you do on Christmas,</em> he added, yet the words got lost on the way from his brain to his tongue because the thought of Carlos turning up at his flat in Woking had completely taken over his head.</p><p>And the older one nodded. “I was, yes. But… then I left again. Just today.”</p><p>Lando’s eyes widened, as everything got only more confusing.</p><p>“But- your family, it’s <em>Christmas-”,</em> he stammered, but Carlos just waved it off.</p><p>“They will get along”, he said with such determined confidence that it didn’t allow any protest - at least not in this regard. His eyes were still fixed on Lando, when he, striving for a softer tone again, explained: “I told them that I had to do something very, very important first, before I could enjoy Christmas. And that it couldn’t wait.”</p><p>Lando felt his heart skip a beat.</p><p>“What important?”, he breathed in awe. He gradually had somewhat of an idea of what Carlos could be referring to. But even if it made his pulse race wildly, he didn’t dare to really believe it, as he was too scared that he could be wrong with it, that he just had leaped to conclusions and only heard what he wanted to hear-</p><p>But he had not, as Lando could tell in the second that Carlos swallowed hard, from the way that his glance intensified, before the older one finally came out with what was the reason for his unexpected turn-up at the Norris Farm.</p><p>“You didn’t give me time to respond”, he whispered, with his voice unfamiliarly shaky. “At the MTC.”</p><p>The mere memory of this moment let Lando tremble with discomfort and it made it impossible for him to maintain eye-contact. Reflexively, he lowered his gaze, looking down at his feet and the Christmas-themed socks he was wearing - everywhere except Carlos’ eyes, which were still on him, waiting for a reaction from him, an answer to the unspoken question, a reason why.</p><p>“I wasn’t sure if I still wanted to hear your response. If… if I would like it”, Lando eventually gave back after a few seconds of hesitation, his voice so low that he didn’t know if Carlos could even hear him - but he did:</p><p>“I know”, he whispered back just as quiet, the familiar warmth of his voice full of compassion. The Spaniard also paused for a split second, as he seemed to seek the right words - or the courage to speak them out: “But - trust me, you will.”</p><p>And with this being said, Carlos slowly stepped up the stair so that he was on the same level as Lando, gently cupped his face with his hands and made him tilt his head back up a little, so that he could look at him again with his chocolate-brown eyes… before he then leant down to kiss him.</p><p>It was the most tender kiss ever shared between two people, soft, and soulful, and therefore so much better than the encounter at the MTC. Because it was this: A kiss. Not just pressing your lips on someone else’s, but a proper kiss, that was returned and thoroughly intended and that beard so many emotions, that it made all the oh-so-romantic descriptions of kisses in literature look nothing but cheap.</p><p>However, it was far too soon that it ended, when Carlos already pulled away again, and it caused Lando’s lids to flutter as he unwillingly opened his eyes again, which he had automatically closed before. All breathless from both excitement and surprise, he looked at the familiar face in front of him, which was still so close to his own, so near, so… real! - and for a split second Lando was uncertain if <em>this</em> had really just happened or if his mind had only played a trick on him-</p><p>But as if he had read his mind, Carlos brushed all those doubts aside in an instant:</p><p>“That’s why I’m here. Because of you”, he whispered to Lando, still tenderly holding his face in his hands for a few seconds longer, before he eventually took them away and, not knowing where to put them, shoved them back into the pockets of his coat - and Lando instantly missed the warmth of his touch, which was taken over by the freezing cold air.</p><p>“When I was with my family, I- …I felt so lonley”, Carlos continued in a low voice. “I just saw my sisters with their boyfriends and my father with my mum and-… how everyone was so happy to spend Christmas with their loved ones and- it made me realize what I was missing. <em>Who</em> I was missing. Not only for Christmas, for everything. And then I just knew I had to go and fix this-”</p><p>“Don’t.” Lando quickly shook his head to cut him short and stepped back, bringing some distance between them again in the attempt to keep a cool head. He just <em>had</em> to, this time. “Don’t say that. If you don’t mean it.”</p><p>Because as much as his lips were still prickling from the kiss, the mere thought of going through the hell of Saturday night again made him reflexively clench his teeth, fighting back all the emotions welling up inside him. But no matter how hard he fought for control, his lower lip still started to quiver and his voice was shaking, when he added: “I don’t think I can take that once more…”</p><p>This time, it was Carlos who interrupted him, shaking his head.</p><p>“I <em>do</em> mean it”, he assured him without hesitation and, as to prove it, the older one looked him firmly in the eye while speaking, not even blinking. He tried a crooked smile again. “On Christmas, you have to say the truth.”</p><p>If such a saying existed, Lando had never heard of it before, but it didn’t matter anyway, as Carlos stepped up closer to him again, clearing the distance almost carefully, as if he wanted to still allow him to retreat, and as soon as their gaze met, the intense look from Carlos’ still so beautiful eyes immediately wiped any thoughts on linguistics from Lando’s brain.</p><p>Without breaking the eye-contact, the older one opened his mouth again to continue: “And the truth is - to say it with the words of the great <em>Maria Karey…”, </em>he went and the corner of his mouth briefly twitched when he mispronounced the singer’s name on purpose this time, and Carlos’ glance started to shimmer as tears got in his eyes, while he looked down at Lando, and at him only.</p><p><em>“All I want for Christmas is you,</em> Lando”, he whispered hoarsely. “I love you. I always have, I just didn’t know that it was… <em>that.</em> I always thought it was, I don’t know, a deep best-friends-kind of love, what I felt for you.”</p><p>Again, massive guilt flickered in his eyes and his smile took on a painful trait. “I know it sounds stupid and I’m <em>so</em> sorry about everything I put you through in the last days, you have no clue <em>how sorry-</em>”</p><p>He shook his head, trying to sort his thoughts out. “But please believe me when I tell you that, when you kissed me, it opened my eyes. Like, <em>completely.</em> And now I know… what I want.”</p><p>The Spaniard swallowed hard, obviously fighting the emotions, too. “And- it’s you, Lando. Only you.” - telling from the way his voice broke away a little at the end, there was <em>definitely</em> a lump in Carlos’ throat.</p><p>He tried to smile it away, but it turned out far too timid again.</p><p>“So if you’re still in… I’d gladly <em>start off new”,</em> he offered - and Lando was speechless. With his eyes wide from surprise, he stared at his former teammate and just couldn’t believe what he had just heard. Had Carlos really said that? Those words that he had always dreamt to hear from him one day, in so many sleepless nights, and that had seemed farer away than ever after Saturday?</p><p>“Say something”, Carlos whispered after a few seconds of overwhelmed silence, which must for sure have felt much longer to him. “Please, this is really frightening-”</p><p>“You’re really serious?”, was the only thing Lando managed to say as his throat tightened, and he was still not believing his ears - even though his heart already knew he hadn’t misheard it and raced so wildly in his chest that it felt as if it was gonna burst through his ribs. “You- you’re not joking?”</p><p>Carlos shook his head, quicker and more determined than ever before.</p><p>“Not joking”, he confirmed in all seriousness - and that was enough.</p><p>Before Lando knew what he was doing, he almost threw himself at Carlos, threw his arms around his neck and pulled him into another kiss, which had the “YES, I’m in!” written all over it. In a crazy mixture of relief, happiness and wobbly knees, they smooched on the door step, not minding the hurly burly of the snowflakes behind them or the cold or time or space or anything, not even Carlos’ beard stubbles scratching against his skin - they only had eyes for each other, even if they preferred to keep these eyes closed and let their lips do the talking instead.</p><p>And in this moment - even though he didn’t think of much, to be honest, but it crossed Lando’s mind that, if the word “lovesickness” existed, there had also to be a word for the opposite. He didn’t know what it was be called - “lovehappiness”, maybe? -, but he definitely knew that it felt exactly like this - like kissing Carlos on the porch of his parents’ farm, knowing that they’d finally were where he had always wished to be.</p><p>And if it had been up to him, they had continued like this until, whatever, world’s end, as there suddenly seemed to be no sense anymore in doing anything else than being kissed by Carlos and feeling his arms around himself-</p><p>But the two newly united lovebirds were unexpectedly interrupted, when all of sudden, the door was squeaking behind them, followed by a surprised “Oh-” in a much to familiar voice, causing Carlos and Lando to abruptly jerk apart and turn around-</p><p>Only to see, much to Lando’s shock, his mother standing in the hallway, who was looking at the two of them with the same surprise as they did back at her.</p><p>
  <em>Oh Lord, that can’t be true!</em>
</p><p>Lando felt his cheeks getting hot with blush instantly. Had he just really been caught kissing Carlos, his former teammate, <em>a man,</em> in front of his mother?! Well, call <em>that</em> an outing!</p><p>But unlike him, his mother didn’t seem to find anything embarrassing about it - she rather seemed to be delighted about the surprise visitor:</p><p>“Carlos!”, she exclaimed with joy. “What a nice surprise! Lando, why didn’t you tell us that you’d expect someone over?”, she then turned towards her son, who was still standing there like frozen solid.</p><p>“Uhm, I- uhm…”, he stumbled, totally knocked off his stride from the unexpected disturbance, but luckily, Carlos recovered much quicker than him and chivalrously jumped to his side to help him out:</p><p>“Good evening, Mrs. Norris!”, he greeted back politely, with his one arm still wrapped around Lando’s waist next to him, not even bothering to move and take it away - which Lando didn't know if he should be happy about it, as the older one didn’t seem to mind being seen like this with him, or if it should make him panic even more, as this gesture was quite… <em>revealing,</em> to be honest, and it made Carlos’ fingers feel burningly hot through his sweater, as he continued talking to his mother.</p><p>“To be honest, I didn’t know either, when I woke up this morning. It was more of a… spontaneous decision”, the Spaniard said in Lando’s defense, before gifting his mother one of his typical Carlos-smiles. “I hope you don’t mind me?”</p><p>He was <em>totally</em> making use of his South European charm here, <em>on purpose,</em> but Lando didn’t protest, as it, of course, worked. It always did, no matter to whom or in what context - there were seldom occasions that Carlos wouldn’t get away with a just smile and a charming comment - and so now, too:</p><p>“Oh no, not at all!”, Lando witnessed his mother quickly assert, before she already stepped back from the door, opening it up wider to invite the new guest in. “Come in then! Here’s room enough for one more!”</p><p>Carlos and Lando just shared a brief look, silently asking <em>“Is that okay?”</em> from Lando’s side and <em>“Well, that was easy, wasn’t it?”</em> from Carlos’, who quickly assured him that it <em>was okay indeed</em> by a calming blink, before they then stepped (back) in over the threshold. And while this situation - <em>standing in the hallway of his parents’ house with his crush that he had just been caught kissing! - </em>was slightly uncomfortable for Lando, as he didn’t know how to act, his mother didn’t show any reservations and immediately took over Carlos:</p><p>“So you’ve just flown in from Spain? You must be hungry, dear! Do you want to eat anything? You can join us on dinner!”, she suggested. “We got…” and then proceeded to name all the delicious food there was on the table.</p><p>And when Carlos gave her another smile, it was not the Spanish charm speaking out of him, but sincere gratefulness. “That sounds lovely, I’d love to!”, he said, before then turning his smile towards Lando, as he was still standing there a little lost. This would have been enough for him to start to grow comfortable with the situation - well if there hadn’t suddenly been the rumbling sound of chairs being pushed back, as well as footsteps on the wooden floors. And in no time, his whole family turned up in the hallway, attracted by the voices, curious to see who had just arrived.</p><p>“It’s Carlos! Hey Carlos!”, Cisca exclaimed and enthusiastically waved at him.</p><p>“Hey!”, said also Olli. <em>“¡Hola!”, </em>making Lando wish for a hole to open in the ground that he could jump in - could this get any more embarrassing…?!</p><p>But again - Carlos had his back:</p><p><em>“¡Hola!”</em>, he dutifully greeted back, as if he had never done any different. Of course he knew his family, as he had sometimes crossed paths with them in the paddock before, but - not like <em>this</em>. Not just that he had had never before been here, at the farm, especially not on Christmas, and foremost, he had never been in another role than Lando’s teammate before…</p><p>But if he felt any unease, with the six pairs of eyes glancing at him, he at least didn’t let it show: “Good evening, Norris family! And, uhm, merry Christmas!”, he added swiftly, as the many ugly Christmas sweaters that suddenly were gathered in the hallway now made him remember which day it actually was today.</p><p>“Merry Christmas!”, Lando’s family echoed back, more or less in synch, adding to the absurd-ness of the moment, and Lando felt the strong urge to pinch himself, because a part of him reckoned he had to be dreaming this or something-</p><p>But there was no time to dive deeper into those thoughts, as his mother only now noticed how Carlos’ hair was damp from the snowflakes, just like his coat.</p><p>“Oh my, you’re all soaked!”, she went, before she gave her son an almost admonishing look. “Lando, how could you let him stand in the cold like <em>that?”,</em> she asked, with her maternal instincts kicking in immediately. “Go get him a towel, before he catches a cold!”</p><p>“Ah, it’s not that bad, really-”, Carlos gently tried to intervene, as he didn’t want to make a fuss, but Mrs. Norris didn’t allow any protest.</p><p>“You should really dry up your hair, honey”, she insisted, while she naturally took his coat. “This is not the season to prove how tough you are. The same goes for you!”, as she reminded her son, whose curls were also slightly darker from wetness. “Get dry, you two! Now!”</p><p>And before either of them could argue, she pushed Carlos and Lando in the direction of the bathroom - not that it made much sense to discuss with a mother of four anyway. As they went past Flo, Lando’s sister gave him a meaningful look, wordlessly going: <em>“So, you REALLY sure you weren’t sad because of him?”,</em> but Lando just grinned sheepishly as an answer and then hurried to lead Carlos to the bathroom, to get towels for them.</p><p>Just before they disappeared there, Lando’s mother called to Carlos that she would warm through some of the dinner for him in the meantime, so that he could warm up also from the inside - which caused Carlos to smirk broadly, knowing that his Spanish charm had once again done its job more than well.</p><p>“Thank you, I’d love to!”, he called back, before Lando already forcefully pushed the door shut and they were all on their own again - much to Lando’s relief, who foremost took a deep breath, as if he had just come back from a run.</p><p>Carlos was overwhelmed, too, but telling from the amused grin on his face, it was rather a pleasant kind of surprise.</p><p>“Wow. <em>That’s</em> a welcome!”, he said, causing Lando to blush again for… oh, he had totally lost count of how many times it had been today.</p><p>“Sorry, I know they can be-”, he already wanted to apologize for the quite… <em>enthusiastic</em> welcome his family had just put on (to say it positively instead of “embarassing to the bones”) - but Carlos cut him short, quickly shaking his head.</p><p>“They’re sweet”, he assured him with a soft expression, an unspoken <em>“just like you”</em> resonating with his words, and the warming look in his eyes left no question if he meant that seriously. He did.</p><p>Lando couldn’t help but get a little too lost in his eyes again, as this was probably a sight he’d never grew tired of - quite the contrary. And the premonition that he apparently would be able to enjoy it a lot more often in the future caused a thrill of anticipation to break free in his chest, flooding his body with pleasant warmth.</p><p>He only realized that he’d been staring, when Carlos curiously raised his eyebrows at him, which got him out of his trance on the spot.</p><p>“Oh-” Quickly, Lando reached to finally grab a towel for Carlos, as he had been promised.</p><p>“Here you go…”, he murmured as he handed it over, his cheeks even more reddened than before, and then grabbed another one to rub his own hair dry. But he didn’t waste much time on it, as something else was for more exciting - namely the view of Carlos Sainz jr. standing in front of the mirror and trying to fix his hair. Lando had always had a thing for the Spaniard’s dark mane, as it always looked so arousingly spot-on-</p><p>But until now, he had only been able to admire it secretly, just sheepishly glimpsing at his teammate whenever he thought the older one wasn’t looking - however, seeing him run his delicate fingers through his hair from so close now definitely did something to Lando and he couldn’t look away anymore.</p><p>And so it occurred that Carlos caught him staring for the second time within not even a minute, as their eyes met in the mirror.</p><p>“What?”, Carlos asked with amused confusion and when he turned around, Lando smiled in apology.</p><p>“Uhm- sorry”, he muttered sheepishly and reflexively turning away his gaze, biting down his lip before he dared to look back at Carlos again. “I- I just can’t believe this is happening, right now. That you’re really here…”</p><p>Just by saying this out loud, Lando felt his eyes water again, facing the elemental force of all the emotions that were welling up in him - and causing Carlos to intervene: “Ey, ey, ey, stop that! No crying on Christmas, <em>cabrón!”, </em>the Spaniard quickly warned him, though the compassionate expression in his face gave away how the attempted strict tone was nothing but fake.</p><p>He stepped closer to place his hands on Lando’s shoulders and gently held him in front of himself, soothingly stroking over the fabric of Lando’s sweater with his thumbs.</p><p>His brown eyes sparkled mischievously. “I mean, what will your parents think of me when I make you cry even in the first hour of our relationship?”, he asked jokingly and Lando just shrugged with a faint smile as an answer, as he couldn’t hold back the tears anyway.</p><p>“This is crying with happiness, you <em>muppet!”,</em> he hurried to explain with a broken voice, yet quickly tried to wipe the treacherous tears away - but before he could do so, Lando already found himself pressed tightly against Carlos’ broad chest, as the older one wrapped his arms around him for a comforting embrace.</p><p>“Don’t worry, it is true. I’m here, really”, he reassured him, his deep voice so nicely close and calm that there was no doubt that he was really, <em>really</em> here - at the Norris farm, with him, Lando. <em>Because of</em> him.</p><p>And this realization was so overwhelmingly beautiful and heartwarming that it caused Lando to shed a few tears after all, which quietly dripped onto Carlos’ pullover, dampening the fabric, but he shed them with a smile. Lando didn’t sob or anything, just held Carlos even tighter against himself as well; so he didn’t know if the Spaniard had noticed, but howsoever, he just seemed to feel that this was exactly what Lando needed right now: Just a hug.</p><p>And so, they stayed just like that for a brief moment, holding each other in peaceful silence, while Lando tried to calm his nerves again, and it was kind of similar to the moment at the MTC, in the hall of fame - but again, it was so much better now. Almost as if everything on Saturday had only been a rough draft on Saturday and this now was the perfected outcome.</p><p>After what felt like a sweet eternity, Carlos eventually moved and leaned back a little, to look down on Lando.</p><p>“I promise, I won’t leave you anymore”, he whispered to him in a low voice, speaking with so much sincerity that it almost brought new tears of joy to his eyes. “Never again. I’ll stay-… well, for as long as your parents allow me to stay”, he added jokingly.</p><p>“Of course you can stay!”, Lando quickly affirmed him, as he didn’t want to leave a single doubt about that - only to add a slightly less confident “…I guess” after a split second pause. Because technically speaking, this wasn’t his place and he couldn’t just invite anyone in, especially not over Christmas. But guessing from the reactions in his hallway, neither his parents nor his siblings would mind.</p><p>Lando shrugged again, while they were still halfway holding onto each other, unwilling to break their embrace fully.</p><p>“I mean, you’re… not just <em>anyone,</em> then”, he murmured and the thought alone made his heart warm up with happiness - and he reckoned it would take <em>quite some time</em> until it wouldn’t do so anymore, if at all, even. Probably never.</p><p>Carlos’ eyebrows twitched. “So, do you think we should tell them? Like…” <em>right away?</em>, he added silently, hinting at that they’d all be sitting around the dinner table in a minute - what a perfect occasion this would be! Lando couldn’t help but find this, too, even if at the same time, the imagination alone shredded his nerves more than any race start could ever do.</p><p>However, he eventually shook his head.</p><p>“Guess we don’t have to…”, he meant, biting down on his lip. <em>“Very likely</em> they already have drawn the right conclusions themselves…”</p><p>Against his will, he felt himself blushing again at the memory of how his mother had suddenly been standing in the door way, disturbing their sweet kisses, and how also the rest of his family had not seemed to be deeply surprised when they had seen Carlos in the hallway - not to mention the talk with Flo and how everyone around had sensed that he had <em>not</em> been fine over the last days and had tried their best to cheer him up.</p><p>Yes, the more he thought about it… it seemed very likely that his family had already known what had been going on with him, before he had even wanted them to know. The thought made him grin with embarrassment, as he had always believed to be hiding it well, but apparently… not really.</p><p>“But, uhm, just to be clear…”, Lando then asked to Carlos, because he just needed to know this for sure. “We’re really doing this, are we? Like… <em>seriously</em> doing this. Being boyfriends and stuff…?”</p><p>“Yeah, I guess…”, he answered carefully, but in no way hesitating about wether he wanted this at all, but rather because he couldn't believe that this was real now, too. That he was really joining his former teammate along with his family for Christmas - as they were now no longer teammates, but boyfriends.</p><p>And it was the exactly same thought in Lando’s head at that moment, causing him to gasp with astonishment, too.</p><p>“Wow… didn’t see <em>that</em> coming when I came into F1!”, he admitted with a grin and Carlos chuckled, too.</p><p>“Well, ask me!”, the Spaniard gave back. “I’ve spent the first 26 years of my life thinking I was straight, like one hundert percent straight. And then you come along and- it turned my whole world upside down…” - and his eyes gave away that this was not just empty talk, but that it actually had confused him to the core, even if it had been a realization of the best-est kind, in the end.</p><p>Lando could relate oh-too-much.</p><p>Newly discovering his own bisexuality had been so confusing at first. Like, not that he had believed anyone in his private sphere, especially not in his family believed to be so old-fashioned in their thinking that he would have to be afraid of bringing a potential <em>boyfriend</em> home - but still, it had taken him some time to get along with it, as this had been just so… <em>new</em> to him. New and confusing and exciting, all at once. Well, it still was, actually, as his first crush on another man had just evolved into his first <em>relationship</em> with said man - if that’s no reason to be properly excited…?</p><p>And because it was obvious that it was the same for Carlos, Lando closed his eyes in compassion and then gave him an understanding look.</p><p>“I know…”, he whispered, trying to put all empathy and comfort in these two words that he could come up with. He paused for a second, before another thought happened to cross his mind. “And you really had no clue…? Of what <em>I</em> felt for you?”</p><p>Carlos shook his head. “No. Not at all.”</p><p>He laughed ironically. “I mean, I wasn’t even sure about <em>my own feelings,</em> so… who was I to make assumptions about yours, then?”</p><p>Even though his laugh sounded a bit pained still, as these last days for sure had not been easy for him as well, this confession still brought a soft smirk to Lando’s face. “Maybe I should have better kissed you sooner, hu?”, he suggested and the unfamiliar self-confidence in his voice (…no idea where this came from!) made Carlos smile honestly now, too.</p><p>“Yeah, maybe. That might have spared us some trouble… and time!”, he agreed and they laughed at how, in hindsight, stupidly they had behaved, even if it almost hurt Lando to know that they could have had all this so much sooner if they would have just had the guts to openly <em>talk </em>instead of all the ignoring or playing down of their own feelings, surprise kiss attacks or jumping to conclusions that they had done in the end.</p><p>However, Carlos didn’t allow any sad thoughts to settle in his head:</p><p>“But it doesn’t matter”, he said, gently cupping his face with his hands again and making him look back at him, and at him only - his boyfriend. “We took the long way round, but now we’re <em>here.</em> And that’s the only thing that counts.”</p><p>And to seal his words, the Spaniard then leaned in to place a kiss on his lips, which Lando gladly let him do. Even if it just was their… third or fourth time kissing each other, it already felt so… natural. As if, how Lando suddenly was reminded of how he had used to sum up his relationship with Carlos beforehand, it was meant to be.</p><p>Never had this assumption felt more true before for him, not only regarding Carlos and him, but life in general. He probably was biased by all the butterflies fluttering through his stomach when Carlos’ lips caressed his own, but if there was one thing in the world that had been fully intended to happen by the universe - how could it be anything other than, considering how utterly wholesome this moment felt, Carlos and him crossing paths? Anything other than them happening to meet, make friends and then fall in love with each other?</p><p>It was hard to imagine, especially with the oxygen dropping low in Lando’s brain…</p><p>“But, just so you know”, Carlos said, panting, as they finally had to part to catch their breath again. “I… I’ve never- done this before. I have no clue how it works to be… <em>boyfriends. ”</em></p><p>Lando nodded, carefully, so as not to bump their heads as they were still close.</p><p>“Yeah, me neither”, he admitted, with his eyes fixed on Carlos’ collarbone, where the fabric of his sweater was wrinkled, where he'd buried his fingertips before in the subconscious attempt to bring the Spaniard even closer to him. Automatically, he let his hand run over the section, trying to straighten it again.</p><p>“But… maybe we can figure all this out, like… together?”, he suggested and a little shy peeked up to Carlos through his thick lashes, only to meet with the older one’s delighted gaze. “Oh, I’d love to.”</p><p>And before Lando knew, his lips were already covered with Carlos’ again, getting all the sweet affection they had been yearning after for over a year - no wonder he could hardly get enough of it now and already wanted to pull his ex-teammate, his crush, <em>his boyfriend</em> close again.</p><p>“And I <em>love</em> this”, he whispered absently into the kiss. “Already…”, causing Carlos’ lips to curl up in a smile.</p><p>“Me too”, he agreed and stole a smooch from Lando, before he, much to Lando’s disappointment, moved to pull away, determinedly distancing himself. “But as much as I do, we shouldn’t let your mother wait any longer with the food… because I think, <em>then</em> I’ll be in serious trouble!”</p><p>The imagination made them both laugh, and as much as Lando would have loved to just kiss Carlos until world’s end for now, they pulled themselves together and dutifully moved towards the door. For sure neither of them wanted to spoil the holiday spirits in the house by letting the extra-prepared, rewarmed plate for Carlos get cold.</p><p>Lando couldn’t help but grin to himself: Carlos at his family’s dinner table - this was a sight he’d <em>love</em> to grow used to! And it seemed as if he was able to do exactly so from now on…</p><p>This was definitely the best Christmas <em>ever</em> ever, as it ran through Lando’s head and almost made his eyes water <em>again</em> from the pure joy he felt inside - but oh, that brought another thing to his mind:</p><p>“Uhm, Carlos?”, he asked and held the older one back for a second, feeling a pleasant tingling of adrenaline as these lovely brown eyes laid their focus on him again.</p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p>Lando bit down on his lip. “I might need a new Christmas tree. At my place”, he slowly came out, clucking his tongue. “It broke.”</p><p>Carlos blinked in surprise. “It <em>broke?”, </em>he asked back and Lando could see how he was already trying to imagine any scenario how a plastic Christmas tree could break apart just by itself.</p><p>So he took a deep breath. “Okay, I <em>might</em> have smashed it”, he admitted eventually, trying his best to look all innocent.</p><p>“…because I was so mad at you…?”, he added in a lower voice, as he had presumably only made Carlos even more confused with the picture of him wrestling the merry tree or something - but then it dawned on the older one, what he meant.</p><p>
  <em>“Oh.”</em>
</p><p>Carlos nodded slowly, as he got wind of <em>how</em> bad Lando had apparently been doing after what had happened at the MTC, and for a second, utter dismay flickered in his eyes - only to be replaced by a loving smirk, that took over his face in the next moment again.</p><p>“Aye, if it’s no more than that…”, he replied and leaned in to place a gentle kiss onto Lando’s head.</p><p>“I’ll get you a new one. An even better one. I’ll get you all the Christmas trees in the world”, he whispered into his curls, which were pretty wild from being rubbed dry, and when he pulled back, he reinforced his words with a sincere smile - a smile that gave Lando all the confidence he needed to believe him. Not only on the Christmas trees, but on everything else they had just spoken about.</p><p>And so, when Carlos held out his hand, wordlessly asking him to join him, Lando couldn’t help but smile back and without hesitation take said hand, interlacing his fingers with Carlos’ and holding onto him tightly, as they walked off - not only to the rewarmed dinner, but to whatever might come across their path in the future.</p><p>Wether it was figuring out the whole thing about being boyfriends or how to handle an UK-Italy-long-distance-relationship, the case with the different teams or just where to get a new plastic Christmas tree for Lando; if way up high, or down low - they’d go wherever they would (have to) go. Together. ♥</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>...aaaand that's a wrap ♥<br/>Now you're allowed to put on our all favourite Christmas song by MARIA KAREY :D</p><p>Oh my, what a ride, also for me to write it - that had been quite an emotional rollercoaster, hasn't it? I'm curious: What do you think of this ending? Was it worth the suffering in the middle? I hope it was! ♥</p><p>Anyway, thank you so much for reading this piece till the end and for each of your comments and kudos, it means A LOT! ♥</p><p>Stay safe, folks, and enjoy last days of the year - and have a good start into 2021, of course! I will see you then, with new stories aboard ♥<br/>(...I honestly need a break now after this marathon of a story, haha)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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